it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i think i just lost a toe
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
