life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
