how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize