3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
