you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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