I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
