He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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