I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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