Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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