Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
