Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
