sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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