From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
