i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Congratulations! We have a period
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
