You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
