I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
