About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
