I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
