Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize