It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There r osticjed everywhere
What a dumb baby whore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
