there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
