Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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