Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
