Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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