Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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