just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize