This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
