I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
thus making me awesome and them whores
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just had sex on a roof
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
