your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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