Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize