operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
