So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
