I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
