dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
