Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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