Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have aggressive nipples.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
