There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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