in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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