I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
