Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
