I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
