They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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