The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
