I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
