What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
