In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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