The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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