Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
