I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
