This is not my ceiling
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
