note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
