Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im drinking this country out of the recession.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
