Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
