I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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