ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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