Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
