Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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