he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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