Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
