I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
