i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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