My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
