just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
