Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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