So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
