I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
