Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
